Jasmine Howson-Wright: Things Life Has Taught Me

By Foluke Jasmime Howson-wright

 

Anyone noticed that we have gotten so used to the perception of life as a  ‘race’ (competition)? We’ve become accustomed  to a continuous struggle life – being in hustle mode, doing right by life. Winning!

We consciously disconnect from the truth of life as a journey also, measured by the lessons learnt and experience gotten, so we are more often unable to appreciate and understand in depth – Growth!

We constantly think we have to win, succeed, make money, be perfect and look perfect (at all cost), so we devalue the little things we experience that made us grow (mature) and make us genuinely happy in life most of which we needed not struggle for; those real life lessons.

Don’t get me wrong, we will work, we will have to hustle and that is because in these times, in order to get out of life you most certainly will work for, at or towards it.

That said, this conscious and never ending struggle permits us too often to forget that real life (the one characterized by the reality of being able to breathe and possible consciousness of everything around), is not always about work and who’s winning.

So! This is my august “Note to life”  – feedback on some of the lessons it taught that I have  better understanding of and appreciate more; and, since I am a confirmed nice individual (*bats eyelashes*) I will share *wink*.

If there’s one thing I am grateful that my experience in life taught me, it is that you will not exit life the way you entered it so, never get too comfortable.

This for me is a golden lesson.

I came into life (a fine bouncing baby girl that I was, loll) with everyone of my family well intact and receptive of this new introduction to the family. My dad, mum (nuclear family), aunts uncles, granddad and most of every other extended branch to my family tree. Now I’m still very much alive (of course! I’m writing this, thank God) but a lot of that list has indeed been cut short, quite short I must say. I also came in weighing what? Less than 7.5 pounds (much less actually) and right about now I am stylishly swaying to 63 kg (heavy bones I tell you!) and yet, the journey is still in progress.

Most other people are born with a silver spoon or gold fork yet exit with nothing to their names while some others are born with plastic/disposable cutlery or none at all and exit with solid investments others benefit from while they are gone. So many examples in line but only one lesson all together – NEVER GET TOO COMFORTABLE!- Take notes, try different things/approaches, fall and get up, mourn and encourage, love and allow yourself be loved, keep walking forward in the journey, don’t assume it was and will always be same. Do not get comfortable.

I learnt and humbly too, that there are no favorites with life and total dependence on God is paramount.

Ever had those peers or friends that you most certainly were more intelligent, creative, skilled, beautiful, composed or eloquent than, yet in the reality of life they are in the better jobs, most exposed, married, cruising the latest rides or just now the ones you take orders from a.k.a  your Boss. Yep! That is life, no favorites whatsoever.

In my life’s journey though, some peers are on the more advantaged side than I am, while in some others reality I might be more advantaged. Everyone has a specific route/lane with its unique characteristics and since life does no exchanges, no swaps, no borrowing from another or what not, mine always falls back to God. Life has no favorites yes, but I have learnt to stay ready with God, so this life lesson which should encourage tension and increase ones voltage of detrimental hustle and struggle, always has me chilling on God like – “Papa, we still dey on call o” and He never fails.

Life has taught me that family is where one is accepted for who they are and family comes first!

By life’s personal lessons and experiences I have witnessed, family is not limited to ‘who born you’, but who accepts you and wills to make you better. Some are fortunate to have this as a complete package from their biological parents (Bless God), while for some others this concept of family literally happens to them. I, however, was privileged to be born into and still acquired “Family” but the underlying lesson is that once identified, your family must come first.

Ever so often you see events or hear tales of betrayal against families for reasons that beat the imagination. Issues relating to men and women (dating), money, fame, confusion or just plain old pride have seconded or trumped (no pun intended), valuable family relationships. The irony of this is, when the games are over and all is exposed, family is the only team that accepts you, not because you are perfect or did them no wrong, but because they never even in the heat, rejected you, but we were to blind and carried away to see it. Never push real family aside, because reality is every other person comes for a purpose and leaves, families purpose is to be there.

Marriage is not the destination and being the spouse is not wining; the journey only just transcends and the uniform upgraded.

This is a sound and smart warning by life, one which holds much truth too and although seemingly futuristic (for other singles and I) in its approach, the experiences are so real; calling it anything short of a life lesson would be blatant denial.

By popular demand, marriage is the ‘next big thing’ and being the Mr or the Mrs has become the title to win but we need to get the memo! -Phase two just begins and the real trophy is the relationship between both couples.

Marriage should be a summation of two – two opinions, two characters, two emotions, two prayers, two supporters, two lovers, both strengths and even weakness. It can never be a destination, please who is resting? Each personal journey just accommodated another, meaning double trouble too. It can be a complicated journey without God and a failed one without placing value on the relationship rather than the prefix of a “Mr.” or “Mrs.”

I understand more profoundly everyday that the relationship leading to a marriage should be guarded and protected with and in love. The relationship is what leads to a marriage and is what exists after a wedding (if that isn’t awakening enough then there is a problem). From talks with married friends and the occasional online confessions i see, life subtly sounds a warning that the treasure is in solidifying the connection between both individuals and seeing marriage in itself for what it is- a comma and not a full-stop.

It is needful to remember to live. To remember life happened and still is happening. I mean common, not every time hustle; sometime relax, reflect and learn from your life too. Right?

Do share what valuable lessons life has taught you through personal or other experiences. I guess we all have our notes to life too *wink*