FOR THE UNINVITED WEDDING LONGTHROATS

I have always wondered why the wedding couples now use invites strictly for their wedding and I don't really have to start giving you reasons to why they choose to do so.  Somethings are actually wrong but you will never know until it happens to you. I mean I have been an uninvited wedding long throat before but seriously, it wasn't my fault, my colleagues and I had a lot of pranks every Saturday working as a Marketer those days but it wasn't my fault, he had told me he knows the groom and I had to accompany him to this huge wedding at City Centre in Abuja. You can imagine my excitement until I counted my teeth with my tongue and vamoosed. The groom was the Niger State Governor's son and we were in no way familiar. You need to see the beautiful decor, fine Bride and groom and all seats were tagged! Can you imagine? Where I wan even sitdan sef? + he didn't invite me on time so I had to wear my work clothe to the venue. I was so ashamed of myself but I didn't leave sha without tasting the cupcake and drinks.

Definition of Terms

AN UNINVITED WEDDING GUEST

The guest that are close or familiar with a couple and wasn't invited to their wedding. It may be a mistake or something but when you get there, you will find a space, a common group and even shame the couple for not taking their wrongs at heart. At least you came, even when your person did not invite you.

THE UNINVITED WEDDING LONG THROAT

You don't know the couple or their family and nobody invited you but you sha went because you have leg.

         Types of uninvited wedding long throats

The Escorts

This type often follow a main wedding guest to the wedding but act as if they are the main invitee. They consists of girlfriends/boyfriends, colleague, neighbour, runs girls etc. One way or the other, these ones are close to the main guest and often times have an 'incase' reservation from the celebrants wey get sense. These ones are made up of mostly young people who dress better than the invited guest and complain over almost everything.


The Poor

Some people have no food to eat and your wedding is their last hope, they will definitely come unless your bouncers don't let them in, they are very meek in nature and have eyes that plead for mercy, even if the bouncers chase them out, they will stay and wait for the occasion to be over, give them just anything and they will accept. Some come with nylons and are willing to accept left over foods. These category is made up of young children as their mothers are too shy to come. They dress their best but their best is not good enough. If they are smart enough, they will scale through without your bouncer noticing.


Fine Girl/Hustlers

These ones don't go for just any wedding, it has to be the talk of the town wedding where creme de la  cremes come to mingle. A lot of investment go on this category. Before they will pay to be on the train but because of their misconduct, achupugo ha na train so they now buy or steal invites and come to your wedding. They are usually the best dressed, and always prying to devour promising young men and fathers. If you see too many show backs and glaring cleavages dear bride, just start praying.  Some are invited by grooms friends to make the day happen but staring sunglasses and preying Grannies eyes says you should go.
After the wedding, you see their pictures first in your wedding tags.

The Overdo Nice Ones

These are mostly guys, the fine hungry boys, always nice at every young promising ladies. They come with borrowed cars and outfit, hustling hard yo kill fishes in the river. I once went for a friends wedding and we hadn't been friends for long though, so I had to sit at a respectable position that wouldn't call for embarrassment. So this nice guy keeps asking, do you care for rice? moi-moi? Chapman? Cake? And he kept ordering Ushers around and ate like 3 different foods, Ukwa, jollof/coconut/fried rice and moi-moi and finally rice and gravy sauce. I guess he didn't like swallow so he didn't order and I noticed he didn't even say hi to anybody and I had a little talk with him, bobo just came to eat and spin chicks, he didn't know nobody. This category finishes your wedding beer. They want to help you

The Stealers

One girl just rushed to me and beamed, Aunty! Huh? I am no aunty sis, try again another years. The first thing they steal are wedding sweets and small chops, then cake, then phones and money too. They are always sophisticated and disappear and appear at intervals.

The Fun of the Party

These are mostly hungry youths, dressed averagely and hungry too. They allow you to enjoy your wedding and then come when everything is almost over. They come in groups and eat whatever you can offer, but you must serve them on their table too and give them beers too. Once they are satisfied and the groom has finished the vote of thanks, the DJ has to jam them up. They have dance steps in their DNA, all the final video come from them and they need their space to have fun. Remember they have life challenges but decide not to steal but take life the way they see it. Please let them be if you are not the bride or groom before dem beat Satan comot for your face where you dey chase dem. You don't want to go home with the insult of your life.

Thanks for reader, people needed wedding gist and I had to deliver. If you think there are some that I didn't mention, please drop your post/contributions on the comment section. Please don't start calling or harming me on social media as to how you enjoyed it without saying it here first.

Yours truly, Nenyechi

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE

 Honesty, I have watched movies where armed robbers threaten people with, "your money or your life." delima but it has never occurred to me that it will someday happen to me. There on those movies, I see panics, pains ND all to let go of one's possession and I would sit, wondering how such producers even dared to create such, today my case became worse.

I am staring at the ceiling and watching three brown lines from the rain designs that my leaking roof had produced because after rent, my landlord never picks my calls until another rent is due. And anytime I complain of the leaking roof, it was never his business, I hear quit notice threats. I imagine myself paying another agent fee, lawyer fee, rent and security, ESWAMA and all and I lose my self confidence. I can't threaten my landlord. Watching these three lines on my ceiling, my daily needs begins to show off. I can't find peace in this world, all my problems begins to show up just now that I recently turned broke. I just have to have a headache.

I get to work now and my eyes begins to rotate and my head starts to beat sounds into my ear and my body begins to get hot and I can't concentrate anymore. I begin to shiver. A call and Taxi immediately gets me home. I her phone calls and smell of irritating foods, even my favorite rice now nauseates me.
Then am in the hospital and and again, Nurses and Doctors are prancing up and down and I remember just now that ego, my sister had asked for her monthly pocket money and Ezekiel's pocket money had finished and my rent is almost due, I immediately sprung from the hospital Sofa and screamed, "Doctor, doctor, I am fine, I am fine now. Just give me Ciprotab, Ciproflaxin, let me kill the remaining fever. It is food poisoning, I am fine now. Ada give me my ATM card, no withdrawal, no withdrawal."

My eyes are still turning and my feet can't carry me. Doctor will ask for a card fee, consulting fee, bed fee, drip fee and administration fee. All these fee for me when money and thoughts had brought these fever? God I prefer my money to my life now to solve most of my problems. They may call me n Igbo girl but that is not the case.

This post my sound stupid to you, but most lives have been lost because we prefer our money to our lives, infact, lack of money had caused many sicknesses in the first place. Depression and lack is real in Nigeria, if you see a hardworking individual in this society, try your best to support them. Don't go for their burial with love, make them healthy. Sometimes in life, the criminal called problems, comes armed with wants and we have to choose money.

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LAYERING YOUR DRESS - A HIGHER SENSE IN FASHION + HOW TO

Macee

Fashion trends come and go and so is layering, I really don't know about it's history but I may trace it to the Igbo women in Nigeria but it became a trend for ladies when Rihanna, a music icon layered her shirt into a mini Jeans skirt, the world went into flames and ladies dived into this trend. What seems like a joke that had come and gone, returned with a bang in a chicky dimension and you will never believe to what extents the creative minds had taken this to. 

Below are styles and occasions where layered clothes came out in diverse forms. Are you planning for a wedding, show or just a topnotch fashion statement? Here are your cues;

Wedding Guest

Second Dress

Traditional Marriage/Engagement

In most occasions, brides use feathers and fringes to layer dresses but using beads, fringe and fabrics to make a double top for your dress is out of this world!

Big Chick Casual

The big Chicks layer differently, my favorite is the the skirt layer.

The superstar's

You know that it takes a superstar to try this right?

Leave a comment below if you enjoyed this post and suggest too what kind of post you will love to see again. 

Love you all and thanks for always checking on me. 

Image Credits: Instagram