FOR THE UNINVITED WEDDING LONGTHROATS

I have always wondered why the wedding couples now use invites strictly for their wedding and I don't really have to start giving you reasons to why they choose to do so.  Somethings are actually wrong but you will never know until it happens to you. I mean I have been an uninvited wedding long throat before but seriously, it wasn't my fault, my colleagues and I had a lot of pranks every Saturday working as a Marketer those days but it wasn't my fault, he had told me he knows the groom and I had to accompany him to this huge wedding at City Centre in Abuja. You can imagine my excitement until I counted my teeth with my tongue and vamoosed. The groom was the Niger State Governor's son and we were in no way familiar. You need to see the beautiful decor, fine Bride and groom and all seats were tagged! Can you imagine? Where I wan even sitdan sef? + he didn't invite me on time so I had to wear my work clothe to the venue. I was so ashamed of myself but I didn't leave sha without tasting the cupcake and drinks.

Definition of Terms

AN UNINVITED WEDDING GUEST

The guest that are close or familiar with a couple and wasn't invited to their wedding. It may be a mistake or something but when you get there, you will find a space, a common group and even shame the couple for not taking their wrongs at heart. At least you came, even when your person did not invite you.

THE UNINVITED WEDDING LONG THROAT

You don't know the couple or their family and nobody invited you but you sha went because you have leg.

         Types of uninvited wedding long throats

The Escorts

This type often follow a main wedding guest to the wedding but act as if they are the main invitee. They consists of girlfriends/boyfriends, colleague, neighbour, runs girls etc. One way or the other, these ones are close to the main guest and often times have an 'incase' reservation from the celebrants wey get sense. These ones are made up of mostly young people who dress better than the invited guest and complain over almost everything.


The Poor

Some people have no food to eat and your wedding is their last hope, they will definitely come unless your bouncers don't let them in, they are very meek in nature and have eyes that plead for mercy, even if the bouncers chase them out, they will stay and wait for the occasion to be over, give them just anything and they will accept. Some come with nylons and are willing to accept left over foods. These category is made up of young children as their mothers are too shy to come. They dress their best but their best is not good enough. If they are smart enough, they will scale through without your bouncer noticing.


Fine Girl/Hustlers

These ones don't go for just any wedding, it has to be the talk of the town wedding where creme de la  cremes come to mingle. A lot of investment go on this category. Before they will pay to be on the train but because of their misconduct, achupugo ha na train so they now buy or steal invites and come to your wedding. They are usually the best dressed, and always prying to devour promising young men and fathers. If you see too many show backs and glaring cleavages dear bride, just start praying.  Some are invited by grooms friends to make the day happen but staring sunglasses and preying Grannies eyes says you should go.
After the wedding, you see their pictures first in your wedding tags.

The Overdo Nice Ones

These are mostly guys, the fine hungry boys, always nice at every young promising ladies. They come with borrowed cars and outfit, hustling hard yo kill fishes in the river. I once went for a friends wedding and we hadn't been friends for long though, so I had to sit at a respectable position that wouldn't call for embarrassment. So this nice guy keeps asking, do you care for rice? moi-moi? Chapman? Cake? And he kept ordering Ushers around and ate like 3 different foods, Ukwa, jollof/coconut/fried rice and moi-moi and finally rice and gravy sauce. I guess he didn't like swallow so he didn't order and I noticed he didn't even say hi to anybody and I had a little talk with him, bobo just came to eat and spin chicks, he didn't know nobody. This category finishes your wedding beer. They want to help you

The Stealers

One girl just rushed to me and beamed, Aunty! Huh? I am no aunty sis, try again another years. The first thing they steal are wedding sweets and small chops, then cake, then phones and money too. They are always sophisticated and disappear and appear at intervals.

The Fun of the Party

These are mostly hungry youths, dressed averagely and hungry too. They allow you to enjoy your wedding and then come when everything is almost over. They come in groups and eat whatever you can offer, but you must serve them on their table too and give them beers too. Once they are satisfied and the groom has finished the vote of thanks, the DJ has to jam them up. They have dance steps in their DNA, all the final video come from them and they need their space to have fun. Remember they have life challenges but decide not to steal but take life the way they see it. Please let them be if you are not the bride or groom before dem beat Satan comot for your face where you dey chase dem. You don't want to go home with the insult of your life.

Thanks for reader, people needed wedding gist and I had to deliver. If you think there are some that I didn't mention, please drop your post/contributions on the comment section. Please don't start calling or harming me on social media as to how you enjoyed it without saying it here first.

Yours truly, Nenyechi