FOR THE UNINVITED WEDDING LONGTHROATS

I have always wondered why the wedding couples now use invites strictly for their wedding and I don't really have to start giving you reasons to why they choose to do so.  Somethings are actually wrong but you will never know until it happens to you. I mean I have been an uninvited wedding long throat before but seriously, it wasn't my fault, my colleagues and I had a lot of pranks every Saturday working as a Marketer those days but it wasn't my fault, he had told me he knows the groom and I had to accompany him to this huge wedding at City Centre in Abuja. You can imagine my excitement until I counted my teeth with my tongue and vamoosed. The groom was the Niger State Governor's son and we were in no way familiar. You need to see the beautiful decor, fine Bride and groom and all seats were tagged! Can you imagine? Where I wan even sitdan sef? + he didn't invite me on time so I had to wear my work clothe to the venue. I was so ashamed of myself but I didn't leave sha without tasting the cupcake and drinks.

Definition of Terms

AN UNINVITED WEDDING GUEST

The guest that are close or familiar with a couple and wasn't invited to their wedding. It may be a mistake or something but when you get there, you will find a space, a common group and even shame the couple for not taking their wrongs at heart. At least you came, even when your person did not invite you.

THE UNINVITED WEDDING LONG THROAT

You don't know the couple or their family and nobody invited you but you sha went because you have leg.

         Types of uninvited wedding long throats

The Escorts

This type often follow a main wedding guest to the wedding but act as if they are the main invitee. They consists of girlfriends/boyfriends, colleague, neighbour, runs girls etc. One way or the other, these ones are close to the main guest and often times have an 'incase' reservation from the celebrants wey get sense. These ones are made up of mostly young people who dress better than the invited guest and complain over almost everything.


The Poor

Some people have no food to eat and your wedding is their last hope, they will definitely come unless your bouncers don't let them in, they are very meek in nature and have eyes that plead for mercy, even if the bouncers chase them out, they will stay and wait for the occasion to be over, give them just anything and they will accept. Some come with nylons and are willing to accept left over foods. These category is made up of young children as their mothers are too shy to come. They dress their best but their best is not good enough. If they are smart enough, they will scale through without your bouncer noticing.


Fine Girl/Hustlers

These ones don't go for just any wedding, it has to be the talk of the town wedding where creme de la  cremes come to mingle. A lot of investment go on this category. Before they will pay to be on the train but because of their misconduct, achupugo ha na train so they now buy or steal invites and come to your wedding. They are usually the best dressed, and always prying to devour promising young men and fathers. If you see too many show backs and glaring cleavages dear bride, just start praying.  Some are invited by grooms friends to make the day happen but staring sunglasses and preying Grannies eyes says you should go.
After the wedding, you see their pictures first in your wedding tags.

The Overdo Nice Ones

These are mostly guys, the fine hungry boys, always nice at every young promising ladies. They come with borrowed cars and outfit, hustling hard yo kill fishes in the river. I once went for a friends wedding and we hadn't been friends for long though, so I had to sit at a respectable position that wouldn't call for embarrassment. So this nice guy keeps asking, do you care for rice? moi-moi? Chapman? Cake? And he kept ordering Ushers around and ate like 3 different foods, Ukwa, jollof/coconut/fried rice and moi-moi and finally rice and gravy sauce. I guess he didn't like swallow so he didn't order and I noticed he didn't even say hi to anybody and I had a little talk with him, bobo just came to eat and spin chicks, he didn't know nobody. This category finishes your wedding beer. They want to help you

The Stealers

One girl just rushed to me and beamed, Aunty! Huh? I am no aunty sis, try again another years. The first thing they steal are wedding sweets and small chops, then cake, then phones and money too. They are always sophisticated and disappear and appear at intervals.

The Fun of the Party

These are mostly hungry youths, dressed averagely and hungry too. They allow you to enjoy your wedding and then come when everything is almost over. They come in groups and eat whatever you can offer, but you must serve them on their table too and give them beers too. Once they are satisfied and the groom has finished the vote of thanks, the DJ has to jam them up. They have dance steps in their DNA, all the final video come from them and they need their space to have fun. Remember they have life challenges but decide not to steal but take life the way they see it. Please let them be if you are not the bride or groom before dem beat Satan comot for your face where you dey chase dem. You don't want to go home with the insult of your life.

Thanks for reader, people needed wedding gist and I had to deliver. If you think there are some that I didn't mention, please drop your post/contributions on the comment section. Please don't start calling or harming me on social media as to how you enjoyed it without saying it here first.

Yours truly, Nenyechi

YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE

 Honesty, I have watched movies where armed robbers threaten people with, "your money or your life." delima but it has never occurred to me that it will someday happen to me. There on those movies, I see panics, pains ND all to let go of one's possession and I would sit, wondering how such producers even dared to create such, today my case became worse.

I am staring at the ceiling and watching three brown lines from the rain designs that my leaking roof had produced because after rent, my landlord never picks my calls until another rent is due. And anytime I complain of the leaking roof, it was never his business, I hear quit notice threats. I imagine myself paying another agent fee, lawyer fee, rent and security, ESWAMA and all and I lose my self confidence. I can't threaten my landlord. Watching these three lines on my ceiling, my daily needs begins to show off. I can't find peace in this world, all my problems begins to show up just now that I recently turned broke. I just have to have a headache.

I get to work now and my eyes begins to rotate and my head starts to beat sounds into my ear and my body begins to get hot and I can't concentrate anymore. I begin to shiver. A call and Taxi immediately gets me home. I her phone calls and smell of irritating foods, even my favorite rice now nauseates me.
Then am in the hospital and and again, Nurses and Doctors are prancing up and down and I remember just now that ego, my sister had asked for her monthly pocket money and Ezekiel's pocket money had finished and my rent is almost due, I immediately sprung from the hospital Sofa and screamed, "Doctor, doctor, I am fine, I am fine now. Just give me Ciprotab, Ciproflaxin, let me kill the remaining fever. It is food poisoning, I am fine now. Ada give me my ATM card, no withdrawal, no withdrawal."

My eyes are still turning and my feet can't carry me. Doctor will ask for a card fee, consulting fee, bed fee, drip fee and administration fee. All these fee for me when money and thoughts had brought these fever? God I prefer my money to my life now to solve most of my problems. They may call me n Igbo girl but that is not the case.

This post my sound stupid to you, but most lives have been lost because we prefer our money to our lives, infact, lack of money had caused many sicknesses in the first place. Depression and lack is real in Nigeria, if you see a hardworking individual in this society, try your best to support them. Don't go for their burial with love, make them healthy. Sometimes in life, the criminal called problems, comes armed with wants and we have to choose money.

If you enjoyed this post, please share.

LAYERING YOUR DRESS - A HIGHER SENSE IN FASHION + HOW TO

Macee

Fashion trends come and go and so is layering, I really don't know about it's history but I may trace it to the Igbo women in Nigeria but it became a trend for ladies when Rihanna, a music icon layered her shirt into a mini Jeans skirt, the world went into flames and ladies dived into this trend. What seems like a joke that had come and gone, returned with a bang in a chicky dimension and you will never believe to what extents the creative minds had taken this to. 

Below are styles and occasions where layered clothes came out in diverse forms. Are you planning for a wedding, show or just a topnotch fashion statement? Here are your cues;

Wedding Guest

Second Dress

Traditional Marriage/Engagement

In most occasions, brides use feathers and fringes to layer dresses but using beads, fringe and fabrics to make a double top for your dress is out of this world!

Big Chick Casual

The big Chicks layer differently, my favorite is the the skirt layer.

The superstar's

You know that it takes a superstar to try this right?

Leave a comment below if you enjoyed this post and suggest too what kind of post you will love to see again. 

Love you all and thanks for always checking on me. 

Image Credits: Instagram

How To Date a Nigerian Footballer

In this time of the world,especially in Nigeria, one getting anything they want sounds more like climbing the highest mountain in the world. The Super Eagle's asoebi made the world, especially our ladies to participate fully in this year world cup battle, watching every move of our brothers and finally falling in love with them secretly.The game made ladies quiver and shiver in the football fever and pray too for a great win, that one, God did not answer.

I remember seeing ladies on bumshort enroute to Russia and confusing the Island boys so much with too many Ikebes until dem naija brothers dem won.

Thanks to God, Argentina lost too after all the ojoro (I could swear that they bribed the refree) but the main good News is that our brothers are secretly coming home, I have seen some of them just recently. I see so many chicks dream and talk about these guys especially Ahmed Musa on how fine they are and how t t money should enter their pockets too but unfortunately,  Musa is taken. I saw him wish his new bride a happy one year anniversary. Not to worry chicks, I got you covered even when I will not put asunder what God has joined together. Many of our guys are leaving bachelorhood so leave Musa, Omeruo, Ighalo and Emenike alone but you can still try Mikel and some of the younger guys but keep off our young goal keeper of nineteen, don't ruin his career and focus of entering the University this October. Remember the likes of Obafemi Martins, Victor Anichebe and the rest of them.

 If you are still interested in these guys after all, here are tip on how to catch your fish;


Become an Actress

My dear, the highest chance for you to get a footballer is to become an actress o. The chances are high, remember I said actress and not A Musician, this is not Abroad and you are not Shakira or Victora Beckhams. If you become a musician, you are on your own, the highest my brothers will do is to wave at you but they will never chyke you. Besides, you will not have time for him like that because you will be going on tours. Ask Tiwa, Omawumi and Simi who chyke them.

As an actress,  you will be allowed into high covens, parties that an average girl cannot enter. Remember,  it is not just about being an actress o, you must belong to a 'click' before, it use to be Ri and Uc and St 'click' that you should belong to but now a new union has taken over, be friends with, Ebube and O Alex dem, my dear sis,  learn their dress sense and get their body type too even though it involves surgery #lipsealed# this click grew up with dem boys #ifyouknowyoknow#

My dear, if you don't belong to the listed click, you may end up with actresses that date politicians, abroad husband, upcoming artist or the pretending big boy who is a cleaner abroad or the upcoming eyimba boys, it depends on your luck.  If you are an actress, you can only date and not marry them because your colleagues will jazz you and collect your man. For long term relationship that will lead to marriage, become a beauty queen.

Become A Beauty Queen

If you ever win a beauty contest, I mean beauty contest not Miss Social Science or Face of Ajegunle, I mean Miss Nigeria, Miss World or Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria, I am talking to you right now plus you don't have to win and starr dating one actor or musician like that, my boys don't like it. You need panache and vigor to behave like a queen. Ask Agbani,  Adaeze Yobo and Stephnie Uche and then thank me later. If you become a queen,  they won't just date you sis, they will marry you. 

Be Young and Beautiful

If you are 23-40years of age and you decide to becoe an actress or even contest in a beauty pageatry to marry a footballer and now say Nenye sent you, my sister you are onbyour own. Abi you can never have common sense? Can't you see that the guys are young and our keeper is nineteen? How can they date you? Dem boys like young girls from 18-22years of age. If you are above the recommended age limit, aunty  give up, your time has past, in fact what were you doing when your mates were strategizing. 


Get a Rich Father 

You see that thing I talked about actresses getting to high covens that average girls can't go to, your daddy can do it for you. He can take you to the Cactus O T R and even if he won't, you can become a DJ and go to parties and you will see him at the VIP lounge, my guys love to party. It is your father that will take you around to his friends wedding and then you can choose a footballer or a key Bobo.

Go to Rich Weddings

Did I tell you how I went for a Governor's Son's wedding and my boyfriend came calling? May it never happen to you my sister, may he never stop your shine, may you meet them or something better than them at the wedding, make the Usher direct you to a seat of destiny. Go to big weddings even when you aren't invited, you will be fine my sister as long as you dress to kill and behave well, even if you don't meet Iwobi, you will get an assurance. After all, Peter Okoye  and Davido treats their women better.

Travel and Pray

Get out of your comfort zone and travel, see new places, countries, even watch games in renowned stadiums and the go to Enugu, other Eastern states, go to the North, the South and the West. Remember that while travelling, you don't have to enter Peace Mass Transit or Romchi, go by air and buy tickets for Business Class. You never know if your crush may be sitting next to you, you will never see him in Keke so upgrade and meet Victor Moses on air.

Own A Beauty Parlor

I noticed of recent that many ladies into Spa business are moving faster in this race. Ask FF lady, she will tell you. Once your parlor is first grade and you dey lag, they will find you themselves. Just know you are just for servicing and nothing more.


Note

There are many guidelines here for both long and short term stuff, you should choose the one you want and make something good out of yourself. Don't ask me why I don't have one or how will you know if I do, you don't need to know what I didn't tell you. Take my advise and grow and thank God for my life. I wish you the best of 2018.


Image Credit: Instagram, worldcup2018

MEN THE NEW FACE OF BEAUTY EXPENSES AS OPPOSED TO WOMEN

I really wanted to stop blogging, not entirely but just for a while,  guess what? I saw comments and mails from people asking me to come back, I really did not know that I have inspired so many people on this little page. Thanks all.

So what inspired today's post is this 

Don't get decieved,  men are not this way anymore, they are the new face of beauty expenses.They only difference is that they ain't loud like women; I want to show you so many secrets of men's beauty that you never knew so that next time baby, you don't feel bad for buying that foundation you wanted to because you feel it is expensive. In this world of pain, anything that you can do to bring you joy,  as long as you can afford it, and it doesn't hurt everyone (it must hurt some people) do it.

HAIR CARE

Averagely, few percentage of women can afford good weaves but a large percentage of men are into haircare and treatments. If you visit the new millenium barbing outlets, 

you will see foreign products used for haircare that ranges from five to ten thousands of cash and even the hair treatments and steams cost a fortune. I don't want to talk about the prices for a good haircut that happens between one to two weeks intervals. Have you seen people into low cuts and dyes and funny hairstyles? Their cost of packaging is worth a good GoodHair weave. The waves, dreads, artcuts and sprays.

BEARDS

Do you do natural hair, do you think it's expensive? Do you sometimes want to give up and apply relaxer? My dear, wait untill you see a man that trains his beards, it's like grooming a child. I have seen men demand for natural hair products for their beards and even summon the courage to ask women what and which product they had used to gain fuller and longer hair.

FACIALS

I have worked in a Spa,  I know how many men that come for facials either monthly or two weeks intervals, especially the Sugar daddies and men who wants to be spotless. Their money for facials finances a lot of beauty outlets.

SAUNA/MASSAGE

Statistically, men go for massage more than women do, and fine boys go for Sauna/Hot bath more than ladies do. To maintain good complexion and look good too. 

FITNESS

Have you been to the gym? Have you watched a man diet? Have you seen him train for looks? It is worse than a woman will do. When a man wants to look good, he will all the lengths to achieve that and all the food suppliment companies can attest to the fact that they have more of male clients to women.

OUTFITS

Do you know than a man's wear is two times costlier to that of a woman. Lately, men have been in the fashion scene more than the females. They are more creative in outfit making and sell faster than the average woman fashion world. Watch reality shows and rate a man's oufit and swag and remember they are seriously in the beauty game,  risking styles for something new.

MAKEOVER

Agreed that women make up to look good but you can't remove the fact that men do that too. Celebrities, Sugarboys and men in the 'goodlooks' world can't live without makeovers. Foundations, primers, finish powders and glosses are always in their closet.

Note

People will argue that only 50% of men do this but will forget that it equals to the percentage of women in the beauty world,  almost 50% of women are into the natural mode, a new propaganda initiated for them to be proud of their natural self. It is funny to note that while woman are slowly going back to their natural beauty (apart from the beauty surgery though) men have embraced the fake part of beauty even to the extent of wearing fake six packs, beards, hair and even makeup and did I forget jewelries?

If you object to this post, your views are highly welcomed at the comment section, don't forget to invite your friends here. 

I love you guys. Goodbye to June and TGIF

On Election and PVC in the SOUTH EAST - HELP!

The 2019 general election is fast approaching and it just two hundred and ninety something days to go and we have almost 80percent of unemployed youths in Nigeria and even the 18percent of the employed 20percent are frustrated and unsatisfied with their works. we hope to vote for a capable candidate that have the affairs of people at heart especially the Nigerian economy.  The youths have watched tirelessly as to hoew irrelevant the government has thought her to be. many a time, even the government bodies pronounce negative utterances about its youths and the pains therefore continues to intensify. Everybody knows how much of work and recognition the Nigerian youths have experienced worldwide even in a staggering and unconducive society. The entertainment and scientific sector can boast of this but you can obviously see her lapses in the political circle. youths are beginning to be active in politics even to the extent of creating a political party but one wonders if really these new parties and youthful candidates obviously have the interest of the masses at heart are are just parading themselves also for personal interests.

The youths have been generally advised to get their Permanent Voters Card (PVC) so as to be able to work together and vote in someone they think will move the country forward but as this exercise is going on, the PVC lapses in the South East can be as frustrating as anything.


When I went to the nearby local government area to renew my venue because of relocation, I stood on the queue for days because the officially would be obviously exhausted for the day and have to retire home. The INEC appointed bodies appointed for the issuing of PVC are not enough to cater for the parading crowds out there.


Obviously we have just the local government areas as the PVC centeres and most times, the journey to local governmet areas take hours unless you are lucky to live closeby, taking permission from work, leaves, closing your business place to get to the PVC centres can be frustrating. even as early as 6:00 am, there is an already waiting queue waiting for the same cause. sometimes, most times, one may not get lucky to obtain a voters card on the first day, it will mean taking another day off.

At the queue, people just come from nowhere and collect their PVCs within a twinkle of an eye , it makes youths to exchange words with the INEC officials and often times, it results to quarrels, fights and exchange of blows. people get tired and forget about this menance while others keep fate. Most times, one has to pay for food, drinks or tips to the collection officers before one can obtain a PVC or a TVC.

Why can't there be nearby places to ease these stress? I will obviously have to travel to vote. Last election was poor from the Eastern anle, we are probably the highest in record trying to get a PVC, very soon the exercise will be over but if more centers are created, virtually every youth will be available to cast their votes and bring about a credible election. I hope this message gets o someone who can do something about this cause.I wonder what will be the fate of Nigerians in Diaspora, trying to come home to exercise their franchise.

Happy Weekend all, remeber to get your PVC as we hope they extend its collections even at wekends.

Ciao

DIARY OF AN ENUGU CHICK - I want to flex wisely

I just semi-permanently moved to Enugu. I think it's semi-permanent because I don't know what fate has in store for me. I have been in Abuja almost all my life and I believe I will never have chosen to stay in Enugu. As the good girl I have been, I obediently followed my parents here despite the fact that friends advised against it. They believe that I am an adult and should lead my own life, I knew they wanted the best for me but Drax once said to me, "Nenye, never live alone."  I remember that even my service days, someone just had to sleep beside me for fear of the roaring lions #ifyouknowyouknow# enough of my rants, let's go back to business.

Shout out to my photographer #smiles

Enugu is cool and beautiful, it has an Abuja ambience too. Talk of fresh vegetables and fruits and starch but water and light is nothing to write home about - especially water. I remember eating Abacha for the cool sum of two hundred naira and I was filled and praising God. The hills and trees in Enugu is beautiful and if you are thinking of a hideout, come to Enugu. Now here are  my problems in Enugu.

I can't seem to find a free recreational area, I have never found an open space to relax with friends, relaxation must be in a bar, hotel or fancy entries where you have to spend a lot so as not to be embarrassed for staying past your time. The very day I managed a Shoprite hangout with my siblings, I saw how security men abused and kicked people off their seats for over staying, and happy new comers gladly sat in joy, I guess the only reason I wasn't abused was probably because I wore good makeup and looked good in their eyes, I swear these days that I am always on makeups, a thing I would rarely do in Abuja.

I had hoped for good shows, not the flavour night parties, I mean good shows like a talent concert. I want to go for theatre shows, intellectual campaigns, seminars; not for slim teas and greedy business scams, good launching and all that but go no go and awareness programs, that is where youth meet people of like-minds.

To even participate in social gathering, you should have good cars, outfits and oyinbo accent that will separate you from the chaffs. It didn't matter what class you belong to or what you do for a living , you just have to create an impression. I see fake people everyday, fraudsters, borrowers that never paid back and all the lying chick's too, if you find one good one, please, never offend them. I see empty stomachs covered in lots of effizy. To fit into this society , there are lots of adjustments to do; like accepting people the way they are, you know that Enugu especially the Igbos know it all. Women here are calm in the face of verbal abuses, just to get a good husband and not labelled stubborn or mannerless. Where will girls learn to hustle and make a name for themselves instead of waiting for a rich husband? It is definitely not in Enugu.  Shout out to all the chicks in Abuja  and Lagos and obodo oyibo, trying to make ends meet, doing odd jobs and reading non stop for a better tomorrow. You are remembered.  This is the Enugu I have seen but you can debunk this notion in the comment section, tell us places we need to see, and the joy in 042, people like me will highly appreciate.


I saw my page views and comments and suggestions and calls and texts from you guys and I highly appreciate. That is why I brought up this Enugu chick tag to talk about lifestyle, I hope to make it interesting too, thanks for always visiting, I love you all.

Happy Monday friends, I should do Sunday or Monday posts for now. Thanks for always being there. I love you all.