Hilarious - How to Sight a wicked Bride

Okay! I just want to do this one before I go for a wedding in six days time, I don't want anybody to accuse me. It's just a creative post right? Now am happy!

A wicked bride is called ajo-nwanyi; a bad woman, but then, what can man do? Man has to love a woman or better still, God has destined you to end up with her probably. After attending so many wedding ceremonies, I present to you clues on how to sight a wicked bride on that big day because ha! The earlier you know and keep off her marriage business, the better for you. Enjoy.

HER WEDDING GOWN

Ha! Do you know that chapter in the book of Proverbs that describe how a bad woman deceives the men of the world with her apparel? Yes! Her gown is wow! Talk of the town, outstanding and out of this world. She knows the fashion world too much. The priest may even commend her angelic wear. But then this bride is, "all knowing."

HER PRE-WEDDING PICTURE

o Time o, na my wedding be dis eh!Add caption

HER BRIDESMAID COLOUR AND MATERIAL AS AGAINST HERS

Her bridesmaids clothes are hilarious, she made it obvious that she is the bride so they can't steal her shine. A rough seat can tear the material used in making their clothes and their clothes are usually made of brown colours. They invite their village belles instead of friends as bridesmaid, all eyes on her.

HER HUSBANDS SIZE AND OUTLOOK

Babes the day is not for you alone. I no wan laugh but then, the husband to be looks like a stick, a house help inside a coat and sad. All wedding budget may have been used to buy just her attire while she ignored that of her groom. It's a pity.

SHE COMES WITH HER OWN RULES

1. Don't take pictures

2. Don't record nothing

3. Don't eat more than a plate

4. No gift no souvenir

HER BODY SIZE

Slim people are wicked but then the fatter ones are epic, fat and consuming. By mere looking at her, you know her groom and family members are scared of her. Who remembers Jude and Ify's cartoon in Punch Newspaper where ify sits and watch with a cane while Jude pounds the yam. That's her.

HER MOTHERS EYESHADOW

Her mothers eyebrow and shadow is powerfully scary, you don't dare make any comment about her daughter or else #lipsealed# You can tell from her eye shadow that she came prepared to deal with her daughters enemies.

SHE PICKS HER MONEY

She trust no one but herself, not even her hubby.

FOOD TYPE

Instead of cupcakes, they will slice bread cake in trays and still tell you the one to pick. Her Ushers are bullies and her hubby is a puppy. You either eat white rice or moi-moi. Better still, your clothe determines the food you deserve to eat. 

SHE GIVES THE TRAIN LAME POSES

If you see the train of a wicked bride, you just hold your laughter so that the mother doesn't get to you. Over sabi dey worry the pose. LMAO

MUSIC TYPE

The kind of music you hear represents triumph over enemies; all the people that says she won't marry him have been put to shame. "His My Life," is her theme music for the day; like she is working at Ray Power FM. "Matching Along with Jesus" instead of matching along with her husband follows suit, then her final song says, " Go and tell it on the Mountain, over the hill, everywhere! Go and tell it on the mountain..... Sister Bose is wedding today.



Una well done o, you can now comment. It's not been easy trying to fix that comment thing. Thanks a lot for your encouragements, Happy Sunday.

How to marry a young rich girl

You see, after my last post on finding a rich young guy read here, the guys started disturbing me to reciprocate. After much pestering and futile research, here is your tips dear guys.

You know am always on your side right? I am with you simply because you are a part of me. In as much as I don't want to reveal these secrets, I don't want you to get lost with your quest, but I must confess that it is easy for a girl to find a rich young guy from his circle and settle with him. This post is for average guys that seek love to improve, but she may be rich and you're not and it will just kill the dream, so don't get me wrong. These tips are what you have to know to get that rich girl.

* CHECK HER OUT

The truth is, if she has an average beauty and manageable, go for her but then, if she is too pretty and intelligent, don't dare because not just her father but men them will arrange your direction, she probably will end up in an arranged marriage. Don't lose yourself trying to find her. Unless you have real muscles to fight. To ain favours, choose the average one, fathers tend to love them more than others, and can do anything; including taking care of you to make her happy.

* WEIGH YOURSELF 

Do you think you are good enough and can fight this battle? If yes, fine, if not brother rest.

* BACKGROUND CHECK

Girls are as fake as this silicone bra. Dear guys, even if you are dumb or something, you should be a CID once it comes to background check. There are so many fake bitches in the world especially in naija. That polished fine girl you're eyeing may have a farmer as a father who doesn't even know she has dough. If she can't take care of her family, she also can't take care of you. She is probably a runs girl who is interested in love for gains. Be careful not to fall into this trap by following one who lives either with her parents or guardian, that's the best proof ever. Don't let her shakara deceive you. Her background is the only revelation you need.

* LOOK GOOD

Don't you know that with our level of love movies; the Philippines and Mexicans have shown us what you should look like? Fine and lokking good. "Birds of the same feathers flock together," so they say. Who want you having a pot belly and wearing traditional with sneakers. Smell good, no mouth odour, shave clean. Look smart.

* GO TO TUSH ENVIRONMENTS

Spend money on yourself, go to good places how do you expect to see Shola in a public market alone, but if you go to the Malls, she is all alone. Visit Transcorp, take flights and not Keke and don't you ever hope she is at Shoprite or Millenium cos you're dead and gone.

* BE INTELLIGENT

Impress her, impress her father with intelligence maybe with a software skills or something, just do something exceptional; this will sell your market already. Her dad may even advise her on you and pay for the wedding ceremony. Have a sense of humour and Charisma. No humour, no Aura.

* HAVE A VISION

What do you want to achieve with her, you're not going to depend on her financially right? It's not a trade by barter affection for finance abi? Even if she is too blind to see you have no sense of direction, her family will notice.

* DON'T FIND FAULTS

Don't find faults, don't nag if she is wrong, just advise. Remember, women are made to be loved not understood. Remember also that she is your ladder to climb Kilimanjaro, so handle with care.

* PRAY

Pray against detractors and failing of plans, you will make it.

Happy Sunday people.

How to Marry a Rich Young Man

Lolz, I guess today's post is unbelievable, yes! Unbelievable because in a quest to become rich or end up in a suffer-head relationship, dem hot babes end up with some granny papa. But I don't want you to suffer so you don't start pulling your shoes and threatening to open a hell inside the Keke-man's head; because he won't let you be just because he thinks you're in his level. Mtschew!

I know you are not all privileged like me #tonguesout# cos you may live in a ghetto, but trust me, it doesn't change anything. What you want is what you get, babes are not smiling. If you want them young, handsome and rich, here are tips to help you get him #winks# thank me later.

1. BE PREPARED : 

Every chick has a marriage time frame, some want it early enough while others want to buy the world first. Whichever time one chooses, If you are not prepared you may miss the clue, preparation keep you on your yellow color, it makes you alert, to catch any fish at sight. If you ain't prepared dear, you may possibly miss your target and not know.

2. CHANGE ENVIRONMENT : 

This is the most important of all strategy for this quest because at a certain age, people of like minds and age stay together. If you are used to hustling and pricing bus fares, nne, you are on your own. How will you enter Roadside bus from Lagos to Abuja and see a pilot? Ha! You are nothing but that Keke man chasing you. Take flights or enter ABC transport, that's where you get what you want, not in roadside bus loading Lagos to Abuja 1500, you will meet cheap people like you. Go to good places: especially intellectual gatherings; like Tennis clubs, Cancer Aid groups, book fairs, golf courts and all the tush tush joints even when you don't like there. Or how do you expect to see him in Abakpa Market instead of Durban stores. You berra change your cheap life and act clean and good, after all you are meant to enjoy this single life even when nothing comes out of it.  

3. INCREASE YOUR VALUE : 

You don't fold your hands while waiting like you are about to win a lottery. While you are searching for a valuable man, you should be worth the exchange rate, you can't give me on dollar and expect fifty naira in exchange - abi who you wan cheat? Make your self worth the bargain. Be good in the basic aspects; career, financially and morally wise. Those who told you it's wrong for you to make money now are blowing pepper on your picture in your village, no man wants a liability. Have a name so that he doesn't come to think that you're a social climber, be wise.

4. LOOK GOOD :

Be in good shape, dress well, smile often but not like a goat, smell nicely too. And if you can't speak good English, ha! I wonder if you can learn. #IwonderifIcaneversmileinthislife#

5. CHANGE FRIENDS :

Honestly, some of us are already on track but for those who are not. Change your friends if they don't look good, how can you envy other people if you don't look an inch like them. Make friends with people with a complete number six and leave that your Church girl who keeps telling you that Weavon and Trouser is a sin, follow the ones that discusses trainings and seminars. The ones who speak fluent English language, who knows what is happening in the past. Don't blend with a friend who condemns very guy you like and tell you he is a cultist for having money. There are friends with benefits, who has a past and don't want you to make that same mistake again, you can learn dress sense, attitude and courtesy from them. Positive vibes is all you need now. And please arrangie date is not really worth it. Hello bae.

6. PRAY WELL : Every journey starts and ends with God, "If the foundation be faulty, what can the righteous do?" God knows what you want, just talk to him in prayers, and as for those babes who just need a husband because their mates are marrying, I wish you the best.

Mind you, praying gives you direction, a tiny voice may always speak to you against my advice, but then; "There is no harm in trail." It really works. Thank me later, "and don't let them guys read this," #whispers# It is our secret.

Happy Mid-week.